when a male child sexual abuse survivor speaks out

Re-blogged from Musings of a Christian Psychologist” and with thanks to Andrew Schmutzer, who passed it on:

“Most books and stories about child sexual abuse are about female victims. Given the lack of material highlighting the problem of male child sexual abuse, many victims can feel doubly isolated since it seems that no other males experienced abuse. Those looking for a story about male child abuse and rescue might find R.A. Dickey‘s new memoir a good starting point: Wherever I Wind Up: My Quest for Truth, Authenticity, and the Perfect Knuckleball (Blue Rider Press, 2012).”

“R.A. Dickey is on the pitching staff of the NY Mets and in this book details abuse he suffered at age 8 at the hands of a teenage female babysitter and by another neighbor, a 17 year old male. The story is about his struggles growing up, his conversion to Christianity, and his struggles to reach the big leagues after being a very promising first round draft pick. What I like about this book is that it is not a happily ever after story. Yes, many wonderful and good things happen…but so do difficult things. Losing an 800,000 dollar first contract due to an anomaly in his pitching arm, repeated attempts to make it in the big leagues, a miscarriage, the loss of his fastball. Furthermore, he tells the story in such a way that does not promote himself. He doesn’t take himself too seriously and is more than willing to admit his insecurities.”

“Very little is about the actual abuse. He tells a bit about the abuse and how he felt, the smells, the experience (written in the present tense), etc. He also tells about his encounter with the teen girl some years later and the experience he had trying to confront her. If you know someone who would like a realistic read on the struggles of growing up with abuse and other family heartaches and finding one’s way, this might be a good toe in the water  kind of book.”

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4 thoughts on “when a male child sexual abuse survivor speaks out

  1. Thank you for passing on this resource about a male abuse survivor, written in the first person. As your blog says, there are few pieces for or by males. Every bit helps!

  2. With the recent number of incidents involving students being sexually abused by teachers I think we need to take a long hard look at how these incidents are handled. If we do, it will be a sad day as we will find that the perpetrators are more protected than the innocents whose life they are destroying.

    The following example illustrates this point. There is a case on Long Island where a level one sex offender was allowed to “retire” in between the time he was arrested and the time he pleaded guilty. Subsequent to his arrest, no real investigation was done to see if there are other victims. He now collects a nice NYS pension and is living off our tax dollars.

    He recently has made some posts defending his position on the following blog:

    http://www.topix.com/forum/city/baldwin-ny/TV895N58AO3LBKT1H

    If offers a fascinating, albeit sick look into the minds of those whom our children are being left in the hands of. Maybe its’ time someone takes a really close look at how these incidents are handled in our state. I think there are 3 clear questions that arise from cases like this:

    1) Are we doing enough to protect our children or do we need stronger consequences to predators who take jobs in the school systems to gain exposure to potential victims?

    2) How is it legal for a perpetrator of any kind of child abuse, especially someone who used their job to gain exposure to victims, allowed to live off of tax payor money?

    3) How is it legal for schools NOT to do a thorough investigation once a predator is found in their employ when some studies show child abusers can have over 100 victims?

    4) Why do the media keep publishing stories about these incidents and never address these questions?

    I hope at some point our society gains the strength to protect our children and answer these questions

    • Thank you for commenting, and for the excellent questions. I was disappointed that the link you suggested had been “taken down” although the comments were still there. Only when victims become courageous enough to come forward, now they are adults, can these offenders from the past be confronted. They belong in prison, not being supported by social security (or an educational retirement system that trusted them), rather than aging in comfort – any savings they have should go to help their victims with counseling and support.

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