Archive | March 2012

what not to read before bed

If you are trying to find a book to read before bed, one that will lull you off to sleep with peaceful dreams to follow, don’t pick up the one I am reading.   “The Sociopath Next Door” will rattle you, as you realize that Dr. Martha Stout could be describing someone you have loved for a long time – a friend, a family member, a spouse – despite the fact that they have broken your heart over and over again, continually draining your emotional tank.

Does this sound like anyone you know?  The clinical diagnosis of a sociopath is a person who possesses at least three of the seven following characteristics:

1.  failure to conform to social norms

2. deceitfulness; manipulativeness

3. impulsivity; failure to plan ahead

4. irritability; aggressiveness

5. reckless disregard for the safety of others or self

6. consistent irresponsibility

7. lack of remorse after having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another individual

Sociopaths … are known for their pathological lying and conning … they fail to acknowledge responsibility for any failure … they have no trace of empathy and no genuine interest in bonding emotionally with a mate.”

Dr. Stout believes that one in every 25 people is a sociopath, “meaning, essentially, that they do not have a conscience.”    I have no doubt at all at that this number is accurate.  As more and more women who live in abusive relationships bravely come forward and seek help, it becomes sadly apparent that most of them have loved men who are unable to love anyone but themselves.

the birthday girl: Glenda Crosley’s Story

Glenda Crosley was married for 24 abuse filled years before she killed her husband.  Unspeakable abuse to herself and her daughters.  She had a witness in her case, but she fell through the cracks of the legal system and is now still in prison.  It’s her birthday this week.  Please take a minute to drop her a line or send her a card:

Glenda Crosley, CIW, W29266, HA650L, 16756 Chine-Corona Road, Corona, CA 92880-9508

Investigation Discovery aired this video, giving Glenda an opportunity to tell her story. She’s a few years older now.  Let’s hope she is released before she has to celebrate another birthday in prison.

“I arrived in prison a broken woman. I viewed myself as a failure to motherhood, marriage, society and God. I felt defeated by a system that refused to understand.

Today, at age 65, I have a voice. I now know courage and strength in spite of the odds. I’ve grown and matured beyond my own expectations. I have determination to overlook and forgive the injustices of a system that failed to protect me and my children. Yet, I pledge not to forget.

Now with purpose, I vow to empower women in bringing understanding to those who have failed to change their way of thinking.”

got a 45 cent stamp to spare?

If you’ve been following my blog at all, you’ll know all about the Sin by Silence bill and the 50 women who are waiting for their freedom.  It’s Glenda’s birthday this week.  Let’s make her smile every time the mail is delivered.  Send her your wishes and encouragement with a note or a card, and pray that her next birthday will be celebrated “outside” with her family.

the end of a fairy tale

When she was a beautiful 18 year old, Fakhra Yunus thought she had found her knight in shining armor.  Three years later, when she left him because of domestic abuse, he threw acid on her face in retaliation.  In front of her five year old son.

This week Fakhra jumped off a balcony and committed suicide, in protest that her abusive husband, an influential man in her country of Pakistan, had not been held to account.

Here are some of the details of her story:  “In 1998, Yunus was an 18 year old resident of Napier Road’s Bulbul Bazar, Karachi’s red light district, when she met the then Muzaffargarh MPA Bilal Khar.

They both got married after a six month relationship. This was Bilal’s third marriage, while Yunus had a three year old son from an earlier liaison.

Little did Yunus know, that this was not meant to be her fairytale marriage, since shortly after the marriage, she faced both physical and mental abuse by Khar, which lasted for three years before she eventually escaped and moved in with her mother.

An infuriated Khar, with his bruised ego, took ‘revenge’ by pouring acid over her on May 14, 2000, as her five year old son watched. The attack left her severely burned, particularly her face. She, however, survived the attack but not before spending three months in intensive care.

Khar used his political influence to evade arrest and absconded, while Yunus’s family faced difficulty in registering an FIR against him.

On October 31, 2002, Khar was eventually arrested, but released in 2003 on Rs 200,000 bail.

In Yunus’ time of despair, social activist Tehmina Durrani came to the forefront to assist her. Durrani, ironically, was once married to Ghulam Mustafa Khar.

After the then government showed reluctance in helping Yunus, Durrani convinced the Italian government to help her, by not only providing asylum but also sponsoring her treatment there. Khar, leveraging his influence, had vehemently tried to stop her exit from Pakistan, but failed.

After over a decade of undergoing treatment in Italy, an emotionally scarred Fakhra, lost hope and committed suicide by jumping out of her sixth floor residence.

Khar currently resides in his ancestral home in Kot Addu.”

don’t forget them: Sin by Silence Bill (AB593

In the prisons of California, there is a small group of survivors. Support the Sin by Silence Bill (AB593) and help the incarcerated battered women of California find the justice they have deserved for decades.   50 women have fallen through the cracks.  50 wonderful women who have been in prison for over 25 years for the crime of protecting their children and defending their lives.