But this isn’t always the case. For years women have come to my office and have talked about their husbands’ abuses, feeling that somehow they are to blame for these behaviors.
Since 2001, I have been able to give my clients a wonderful FREE handout called “Charmers and Con Artists” from FOCUS Ministries that clearly describes the narcissist they are living with. Some of the qualifiers are:
“described as the nicest guy you will ever meet”
“seldom agree to therapy”
“look good on the outside”
“see themselves as victims”
“believe they are special and entitled to special behavior”
“have their own brand of logic and excuse for everything”
“appear to be giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention”
“depends on lies and deception to maintain a good image”
“are intimidated by intelligent, perceptive women” …….
I ask my client to read the list and tell me what items describe her husband. As she starts to share with me, I see her body language change. She sits a little straighter, closer to the end of her seat, her eyes open wide and she is amazed by what she is reading. She is beginning to realize that maybe “she” is not the crazy one … and that there are other men out there just like him. She also realizes that this means there are other wives just like her, and the lights in her head begin to turn on.
The wonderful folks at FOCUS have given all of us permission to re-print their articles and brochures. Here’s the one described above: CharmersAndConArtists