a brave sister

Well, it looks as if I am not the only one beginning the blogging adventure.  This week I discovered the blog of a very brave woman, a Christian sister, who has lived for decades with an abuser, someone she terms as the anti-husband.  Write on, dear one.  I, and my readers … such generous souls … are cheering your courage!

Sadly, I also came across the blog of another Christian sister, who went to her church for nurture, refuge and understanding, and was sent away ’empty.’

Over the past several years, many wonderful, caring churches have invited me to give workshops on domestic violence and sexual abuse.  Even though the average pastor is still blissfully unaware of the reality that 1 in 3 women is emotionally, verbally, physically and/or sexually abused at the hands of her ‘Christian’ husband, the Jekyll & Hyde sociopath sitting next to her in the pew, there are a few brave pastors, male and female, who are starting to preach the subject from the pulpit.  God bless them!


11 thoughts on “a brave sister

  1. Love your byline– A Safe Place to Talk About the Hard Stuff. Says it all, doesn’t it?

    Thank you for starting this blog and your work in helping those without a voice. I’ll be hanging around to hear what you say 🙂

  2. As an interim pastor, I have served in 9 churches over a 5 year period. It’s not just the pastors and lay leadership that “send (survivors) away empty”. So many in the pews want to believe that church IS a safe place, meaning that no one has been hurt, all the families are healhty, and God has miraculously ‘cured’ all of their ills at the point of salvation. So many will do whatever it takes to keep this personna going, including ‘shooting the wounded’. While I agree that those pastors that preach about the abuse that is taking place are indeed taking the brave first step, it will take more–a change in the culture of each congregation, to make them truly safe places.

    • Yes, Jean, sadly it is a slow moving venture, but so often a pastor’s opinion really makes a difference, and causes people to think deeper when they hear topics preached from the pulpit that have never been discussed before. It’s a good beginning.

  3. I started my journey toward recovery two years ago with earnest when I discovered my husband was engaged in extra-marital affairs that span behavior too extreme for me to discuss. I was probably in the throws of a nervous break-down, but thankfully family and Godly women stepped up to walk with me. I have experienced everything from anger, depression, physical pain, mental anguise, denial and suicidal thoughts. There is hope… Although I truly believe my husband is a sexual addict and cannot admit that to himself, I am the one who chooses to get HEALTHY. I am recognizing the codependent behaviors in myself and the weak boundaries that I have developed. There are many books that I can recommend for beginning your journey as well. Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, Praying God’s Word by Beth Moore, and God Will Make a Way/ What to do When You Don’t Know What to Do by Cloud/Townsend. I know that this will be a bumpy journey and the future looks distorted to me right now, but I am on the right path and I have good traveling companions. God bless you.
    “Pan will either make you or break you; it will either make you bitter or make you better. To be made better is a choice.” Dr. Joseph Stowell

    I want to be better. Choose to be better !

  4. sorry for typos
    “Pain will either make you or break you; it will either make you bitter or make you better. To be made better is a choice.” Dr. Joseph Stowell.

    also mental anguish above misspelled.

  5. To Jean (above), thanks for sharing that. I agree with you, and so would Jeff Crippen, Anna Wood’s colleague. It must be hard preaching from the pulpit about abuse and feeling the congregation go silent and the atmosphere turn to stone.
    Why is it so, we ask, (We tear our hair out! – well, at least I do sometimes!) I think it has to do with people being reluctant to face their own experiences as either perpetrators, or allies of perpetrators, or victims, or passive and uninvolved bystanders (who by their passivity bear guilt for not helping the victims.) It’s just so much for people to take in.
    Male on female abuse is the original curse of Genesis 3:16 and it’s NOT PRETTY, NOT NICE, and NOT EASY TO DEAL WITH.

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